A series by November

Chapter 40: Spinning Sparks

"Desire’s only chemistry and love a form of gravity.
Neurons twitch and flicker like the box that switches traffic lights.
My soul is a blacksnake that a boy lit on a sidewalk.
With curls that twist and spinning sparks spill ash across the ground."
--The Affordable Floors

The next day Rogue made sure Maggie had breakfast and went down to the gym. A half-dozen residents were there. She began doing circuit training, did a half hour on the stairmaster, then cooled down on a treadmill.

"Hey."

She turned and saw Logan. He started up the treadmill next to her and began walking.

"Hey, yourself." She wondered if it made her a total loser that her heart was pounding. She prayed that the smile on her face wasn‘t stupid.

"What’s up?" He glanced sideways at her as he pushed the buttons to set the treadmill. She had a soft, beautiful smile on her face. She smelled amazing, like cinnamon and sweat and just Marie.

"Nothin’. Just trying to avoid studying."

"What do you have to study?" he asked as the treadmill accelerated to a light jog.

"Summer school. I’m taking a history class."

"How is it?"

"Boring. Never cared for it."

"You have any plans for dinner?"

"No, why?" She felt her heart rate go up a bit and prayed he’d think it was the exercise.

"Just wanted to see if you’d like to have dinner." Again, that grin. Oh, god.

"Sure."

"Where?"

"Well my favorite place is Thai, it’s down on fifth."

"Sounds good."

"Cool."

"Let’s meet in the foyer. What time?"

"Umm, seven thirty?"

"Okay."

"Okay." She grinned stupidly. They were quiet for a second. He could hear the sound of his shoes on the treadmill and her breathing. Her treadmill beeped and began to slow.

"Well, my workout’s done. Now I actually have to study."

"You’ll live."

"Guess so," she grinned. "See ya. Seven thirty."

He just nodded dumbly.

.

She walked to Claire’s room. Essie was out of town and she’d paid Claire to watch Maggie before. After a minute or so, her roommate answered the door. "Hi Miss D’Ancato."

‘Hi Astrid. Is Claire around?"

"She went to the mall."

"You have any interest in babysitting?"

"No, I have a date tonight."

"Ah, good for you."

"You might want to try Nick. He’s babysat a lot."

"Nick?" She tried to remember who the kid was.

"His room is directly under mine."

"Okay, I’ll ask him."

She went downstairs, knocked on the door. A skinny kid opened the door. He was pale and freckled and looked as if he hadn’t eaten enough. His hair was very dark brown.

"Hi, are you Nick?"

"Yeah."

"Hi Nick. I’m Ms. D’Ancato."

"Yeah, the Rogue," he said. She felt as if she were looking into a very old soul.

"Right. Astrid says that you’ve done a lot of babysitting."

"Yeah. Why, you need a sitter?"

"I do. Tonight."

"Sure."

"Cool. Come up at seven. I pay eight bucks an hour and you can raid the fridge. She goes to bed at nine so it should be easy. I’ll be back around midnight."

"Okay. What room?"

"406. In the teachers‘ wing."

"Okay. See ya then."

Marie went back to her room and pondered the really tough question. What to wear?

She put on a Dave Matthews Band baby tee shirt and jeans shorts. She put her hair up into a ponytail, fussed with it, and let it loose again. She put on just a bit of lipstick. She painted her toenails bright purple and wore her favorite sandals.

Nick came over as planned and she showed him around the small suite. They began a game of Candyland and Marie kissed Maggie goodbye. "Bye, Boo. I’ll be here when you wake up."

"Okay." Her pulse quickened as she walked down the hall and down the steps to the main entrance. There were a few students and parents in the lobby. Sunday evening was usually when students returned from visiting their families. Logan was waiting at the door. Freshly shaven, hair long around his face, standing in a gray tee shirt and jeans by the door.

The mother of one of the younger children was chatting him up and he smiled politely, tersely. He looked up and saw her coming down the stairs and his smile widened and spread to his eyes, making it painfully clear to the kid’s mom that her flirting was in vain. She said goodbye and walked away.

"Marie."

"Hey. You ready?"

"After you." He held the door open for her. The hot humid night was like a wall that assaulted them.

"Let’s take your truck, it has a better sound system than my car."

"Okay." They walked down the flagstone path to the garage.

"How was your day?" She asked.

"Good. Worked on my bike with One Eye."

"Your new best friend."

He stopped and turned to face her. His eyebrow was up high. Amusement made his mouth quirk up just a bit. "Don’t make me spank you, girl."

The image that flooded her mind was intense and so real. Smack! Bad Rogue!

"One Eye and Logan, sitting in a tree..." She taunted.

"Oh, so you WANT to be spanked?"

"Not at all," she lied. "It’s just fun to torment you."

"Two can play that game, darlin’."

She giggled. Luckily by that time they were at the garage. Logan entered in the security code and she got in his truck.

She found that she liked riding in his truck, for more than the obvious reasons. She liked being that high up, able to see all around her. She liked sitting next to him. The sky was hazy and the setting sun appeared unusually large.

Was that flirting that they had just done? Did that mean he saw her as more than a kid. She knew he wanted her, he was resonating with it, but would he go with his desire or deny it? It was the one question that kept her from jumping him outright.

When he started the car the radio came on. It was a blues station, old-school blues. "Can you play the blues?"

"Yeah. It’s not that hard."

"I like it. It’s sort of a state of mind. Like being drunk. Very slow and kinda stuporous."

"Yeah, that’s a good way of putting it."

"Yeah. Make a left up at this light. Oh, and Maggie says hi."

"I still can’t believe you have a kid."

"Me neither."

"What made you decide to adopt her?"

"She did. I just had to. She needed me. I needed her."

"She’s a great kid."

Marie smiled. "You seem like you had fun playing airplane."

"Always."

"You do realize that she’s gonna climb up you now whenever she sees you."

"Yeah."

"Hey, man. I tried to save you, but you’re on your own." she grinned. "So what are your plans? You gonna keep teaching?"

"I don’t know. I’m thinking about going to college."

"Really?"

"Why does that shock you, Marie?" He sounded somewhat offended.

"Do I look shocked?"

He glanced at her. "I guess not."

"I think it’s great. Everyone always thinks of you as a ‘hands-on’ kind of guy. But I think you’re typecast. And you used to foster that image, just a weensy bit."

He caught her grin, countered it with one of his own, and stayed silent. He loved the way she called him on his bullshit. God, he loved her.

"So how have your nightmares been? I noticed your bedroom furniture was fairly intact."

"They come and go."

"That’s a shame. Wish I could make ‘em go away." It was as close as she would get to telling him that she loved him.

He looked at her, somewhat stunned, before looking back to the road.

"I’m sick of having so much baggage."

"It’s a miracle that you’re not insane."

"Huh?"

"You were tortured for days, weeks, hell, maybe even years. Did you ever think that if you didn’t have the healing factor, that you would be certifiably, clinically nuts by now?"

"Never thought of it like that."

"Well, trauma causes physical changes in the brain. My guess is that without the healing factor, you'd be catatonic."

"Make this left up here."

"You do know that I admire you immensely, don’t you?"

"That so?"

"You’re kidding? Of course I do. How do I say this? It’s like, they took everything from you, your life, your memories, even the integrity of your body, They tried to make you into a weapon by just hacking off parts of you and the very worst thing they did was make you believe that’s all you could be, someone’s tool, an implement of destruction. And now, the fact that you’re on this quest to find out who you are... I dunno, this sounds stupid."

He was quiet for a long time and Rogue felt dread build in her stomach. Her and her damn big mouth.

"Logan? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-"

"No. I think- you’ve kind of nailed it. Sometimes people expect me to be this big bad monster and... it gets old. I enjoy kicking ass now and then, especially against Magneto’s scum, but-"

"You’re a person."

He nodded, silently, cursing the tears that were welling in his eyes. After all this time, she understood. Hearing her articulate what he himself had been unable to, even after all this time - it cut him to the quick while healing him a bit, all at once. Still he tried to hide from her the effect of her words.

"Do I go straight or right up here?"

"Keep goin’ straight. You okay?"

"Great," He grinned at her. And it wasn’t a lie.

The restaurant had a wall of scent that hit them the second they walked in, especially Logan. It was warm with red walls and matte gold chairs. It felt exotic and cozy. Curry, onion, cardamom, coconut, they all danced in the air.

"D’Ancato, table for two," she said to the host. He still marveled at how self-assured she was. He followed her to a cozy booth in the corner and sat down. He felt so nervous here with her.

They perused their menus and ordered. The waiter left.

Logan put his hand out, palm up. "Let me see your hand."

He was pleased to see that she put her hand forward before asking him "why?"

"Because I wanna touch you," he said, eyes nervously meeting hers. Arousal entered her belly like a spear and spread outward. She had never felt such bliss. He reveled in the widened awe in her eyes.

"Okay," she said stupidly.

"I was terrified to come back." He seemed uncomfortable and warily watched the other patrons.

"Why?"

"Because I thought you’d tell me to go to hell."

"That was the only thing that terrified you?"

"Well, that, and getting my balls blasted off for taking Cyke’s bike."

They laughed.

"Depending on how exactly you came back I very well may have told you to go to hell."

"Because I was incommunicado?"

"I thought you were dead. Xavier went into Cerebro and assured me it wasn’t true but I wondered why else you weren’t writing or calling."

He looked down at the table, and traced the fold of his napkin. "I wish so much I hadn’t done that to you."

"It’s done, Logan. Let it go. Just don’t piss me off again."

"Yes ma’am." She smiled at idea of him calling her ma'am.

.

As they ate he relaxed. He told himself that he was on a date with her, again and again, because it didn’t seem real. She was beautiful, hair down and framing her face, elegant hands working her chopsticks. She ate a prawn and delicately licked a bit of curry sauce from her lip and he felt something within him strain and shudder and come close to snapping. He wanted her, oh how he wanted her, and she wanted him, he could tell, but he didn’t want to push.

They left the restaurant and the tension grew and rose between them. The walked quietly down the street to the truck. It was warm and the streets were full. He took her hand and she held on until they got into the truck.

"Wanna come up and watch a movie?" She asked as thet got into the elevator.

"Sure."

The doors closed and he stood opposite her. He was standing so close. She felt goosebumps stand out on her bare arms. The way he was looking down at her was so intense. He was so close, leaning close to her, holding her to him until their foreheads touched, and tilting her head up to face him.

"Hey," she whispered.

"H-" His head snapped around, ears straining to hear something she could not.

"What’s-"

He raised his hand and she was silent. Then the elevator doors were open and then she could could hear the screams. Together they bolted down the hall. She was fumbling for her keys when Logan kicked the door in.

Nick was writhing on the sofa, screaming. Maggie was standing in the doorway of her bedroom in her blue-flowered nightgown, watching him, screaming.

Marie swept Maggie up into her arms. "It’s okay, baby, it’s ok. What happened?"

Maggie just pressed her face into Marie’s shoulder.

"Hey kid, wake up." Logan went to shake Nick’s shoulder but Marie yelled "No Logan!" She knew firsthand how dangerous it could be to wake a dreaming mutant. She realized that she didn’t even know what Nick could do.

She handed Maggie to Logan, who took her, confused. She stood behind the sofa, a decent distance away from Nick.

"Logan, turn on the lights," she said. "Nick, you’re just having a dream. You’re safe now. You’re at Xavier’s. Wake up." Her voice was loud and insistent.

Meanwhile, Maggie was clinging to Logan, a tiny thing with her arms tight around his neck. It made him feel a sudden happy warmth that was foreign to him. He held her close and kissed the top of her forehead.

"It’s okay, Maggie, he’s just havin’ a bad dream. You wanna tell me what happened?

Maggie shook her head side to side forcefully and held him closer. He walked into her room and sat in the rocking chair, rubbing her back slowly.

.

Meanwhile, Marie was leaning over Nick and she kept talking. "Nick, it’s okay. You’re safe. No one’s gonna hurt you."

The nightmare screams turned to sobs and tears fell from his eyes. Marie’s voice became quieter, but still she spoke to him. "It’s okay. Whatever it is, it’s over. You’re safe here. Open your eyes."

He did, and sat up. Rogue sat down next to him and held him to her. He just sobbed. She stroked his dark hair and waited for his breathing to even. "I know, nightmares are a bitch, believe me, I know. It’s okay, it’s over."

Suddenly he tensed. "Where’s Maggie?"

"Mr. Logan has her, she’s fine."

"What - I heard her screaming."

"I think she was screaming because she heard you screaming."

"I’m so sorry, it’s all my fault. I tried so hard to not fall asleep, I-"

"Shh. It’s okay."

.

In the bedroom, Logan still held Maggie in his arms. Her sobbing had slowed and he now held her like a baby, cradling her in his arms. Her blue hair fell over his strong arm. He touched her face gently, pushing her hair back from her forehead in much the same way as he had done with Marie. "Did he wake you up?"

She nodded.

"Did he hurt you?"

She shook her head no.

Logan realized that she wasn’t going to actually speak so he went with it.

"He woke you up with his yelling?"

She nodded.

"I bet that scared the h- heck outta you."

She nodded again.

"He’s just having a nightmare. He’s awake now, hear? No more yelling."

She nodded.

He held her for a few quiet moments. He could clearly hear Nick sobbing in the next room but Maggie didn’t seem to be able to. She was calm now, her breathing even, her eyes heavy.

"You think you’re ready to go back to bed?"

"Momma."

"She’s with him now. How about I tuck you in?"

"Will you read me a story?"

"Sure." He said, hoping she couldn’t feel him panic. "You pick a book and I’ll read it to you."

.

In the living room, Nick’s crying had also subsided. "You wanna talk about it?" Rogue asked.

He started sobbing again and she just let him. He would talk if he wanted to. His slight body was drawn tight as a bow and his freckled face was red with tears.

Finally he swallowed, and spoke. "I have these nightmares. Every night."

"Have you ever told anyone about them?"

"Yeah, Astrid, and Professor X. It’s why I have a single room."

"I think most of the kids and staff here have the same problem."

He nodded.

"Did something bad happen to you?"

He nodded again.

"Have you ever talked to anyone about it? Like a professional?"

He shook his head no.

"I‘m not crazy." He didn’t sound quite convinced. How like Logan, she thought.

"Listen, Nick, when a person has a trauma, there are changes to their brain chemistry. It’s a normal thing and it’s a medical problem, same as diabetes or a broken leg or something."

"I don’t see how they can cure this."

"Well they can’t, but they can help. Talking about it helps, and there are some medications that make it better. Is it gonna fix everything? Of course not. But it can help."

He sniffled and remained quiet.

"It doesn’t make you crazy. You know that old guy who walks around Westchester pushing a grocery cart in a Santa suit with tinfoil on his head singing Elvis songs?"

Nick smiled, a tense and fleeting smile like a muscle spasm. "Yeah."

"That guy is crazy. He’s fucking nuts. Not you." It wasn’t he’d expected to hear. He laughed despite himself.

"Look, Nick, I think almost everyone here has had some kind of experience like this, to one degree or another. Some of us hurt people with our powers, without meaning to. Some of us were held by the government and tortured. Some of us met up with the so called Friends of Humanity. My point is that you’re not alone, okay?"

He nodded.

"Did you know that Magneto tried to kill me? It’s how I got these streaks in my hair. I’m totally afraid of heights now, I never was before. It’s a normal human reaction to a traumatic experience."

"So you think I should see a shrink?"

"That’s up to you. I think it would help you, yes. This school needs an in-house psychologist. People are walking around with too much baggage. I’m gonna talk to Xavier about this. Don’t worry, I won’t tell him anything you told me, or what happened, unless you want, but I think they really need to hire someone."

"You can tell him. I don’t care. Guy’s a freakin’ telepath, anyway."

"Okay. And listen, Nick, I want you to know that you can always talk to me about this if you want."

He nodded.

Rogue just hugged him again.

"It was the Humana Coalition." He whispered.

.

In the bedroom, Logan slipped off his shoes and Maggie clambered onto the bed. He punched her pillow a few times and pulled the covers up over her. "Okay. Comfy, kid?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Here we go. Over and Over by Charlotte Zolotow. ‘There once was a little girl...’"

.

"Oh, Nick, I’ve seen their handiwork."

"Really?"

"That’s something I have nightmares about too. We rescued some people from one of their headquarters a year ago. Miss Essie was one of them. Not all of them were alive."

"So you know, then."

"Sort of. They were tortured, starved. There was a rave upstairs, that’s how we got in. We infiltrated and killed all of them, then rescued their prisoners, gave them medical treatment, brought out the dead."

"Good. You killed them."

"Pyro can tell you about that. He ID’ed them all. We have a database of enemy factions. He might be able to help you find out more, if you want. But yeah, Scott shot them all. That was the night they found Maggie."

He looked horrified. "They-"

"No. No we were about to take off, outside, afterward, when I heard her crying. Her parents had left her between two dumpsters, abandoned her. No connection to Humana that we know of."

"Jesus Christ, what the fuck is wrong with people?" Nick said.

"I dunno." Marie continued to rub his back. "These groups attract the criminals, the sociopaths. They decide they hate mutants, and that’s their excuse for doing the things they want to do anyway."

He was quiet. They both were for a while. "Do you want to stay here for the rest of the night?"

"No. Wouldn’t wanna risk a repeat performance. I feel real bad."

"It’s not your fault. Why don’t you tell Maggie goodbye? I’m sure she’ll want to hear you explain."

"I don’t want to scare her."

"You won’t."

He didn’t know where Rogue got her faith.

"Wait here."

Marie went into Maggie’s room and froze.

Maggie was tucked into bed, Logan sitting there with his legs stretched out in his jeans, stockinged feet crossed. One arm was around Maggie and he was reading to her. He looked up when Marie entered the room.

Oh my god.

"Hi Momma."

"Hi Mags." Marie came and sat down on her other side. "You feel better?"

"Yeah. Logan’s reading Over and Over to me."

"I see that. Listen, Nick is gonna go bye bye but he wants to say goodnight to you. Is that okay?"

"Yeah."

Marie went into the living room. "Nick? Come say bye to Maggie. Just tell her what happened. She’ll understand."

"Okay." He looked afraid.

"It’s all right," she said, moving aside so he could enter Maggie’s room.

"Hey Maggie. I’m sorry I freaked you out. I just had a little nightmare."

"That’s okay. I have those all the time."

"Cool, so are we buds?"

"Yeah!"

"Allright, gimme a high five." Maggie did.

After Nick was gone Marie went back into the bedroom. Maggie had finagled a second book out of Logan and he was now reading Goodnight Moon. Marie looked on in wonder. She was totally unready for what this sweet scene made her feel.

She sat down on Maggie’s other side. Logan finished reading.

"Okay. Bed time."

"One more story?"

"Nope. We need to get up really early tomorrow so you need to sleep," Rogue said.

"Okay."

"Gimme a hug and kiss." It was their nightly ritual. Maggie turned to Logan and hugged him.

"She wants to give you a hug and kiss goodnight."

Logan melted inside. He gave the kid a hug and a kiss and stood up. "Okay, be good for your ma and get some sleep."

Rogue turned on the nightlight and shut the door halfway.

Outside in the living room, Logan whispered "Way to diffuse a scary situation!"

"Shit. I think my heart is still pounding." She sat down next to him on the couch.

"I can hear. What was wrong with the kid?"

"He was tortured by those Humana fucks. He’s seriously in need of help."

"Maggie said nothing happened, she just heard him screaming and freaked out."

"Yeah. Wow. Well, you handled that brilliantly."

"These kids need a lot of help. I’m gonna talk with Xavier when I get time."

"I’m so proud of you."

"Huh?"

"You heard me, kid. I’m proud of you."

"I ain’t no kid," she grinned.

"I can see that." He grinned back and checked her out from head to toe.

She swallowed. "Thanks for calming Maggie down. I don’t think I coulda dealt with both of them at once."

"No problem. The kid’s cool."

"She likes you."

"Yeah, well, I like her too. I should go." he said. "Let you get some sleep."

She nodded, stood up to let him out. She hid her frown. He had planned to stay. Now he was leaving. Was dealing with Maggie too much for him? What man in his right mind wanted that baggage? There were other women out there, childness women. Was this it? Was he uninterested?

He stopped in the doorway.

"Okay, well g’night." she said.

"Marie?"

"Yeah?" He was standing so close she could feel his breath.

"Can I kiss you?" His voice was low, almost a whisper.

He heard her breath hitch and was filled with terror as her eyes closed. He had gone too far, he was sure of it. Though he could smell the arousal that had built in her all night, and it was strong now.

Her heart was pounding and her body was tingling and she felt as she might burst, into tears or otherwise. "Yes," she hissed.

His eyes met hers. She stood completely still, looking up at him. She didn’t move. He leaned down close to her and kissed her forehead. He tangled his hands in her hair and pulled gently, tilting her head up to him. He pulled away and looked into her eyes again, and then, brought his lips down to hers. He hovered there gently, barely touching, before kissing her.

Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh...

She never thought his lips could be so soft. He was knowing her, with his mouth, exploring freely, and it seemed to her that through his lips he could know her whole soul if she kissed him long enough.

She touched his neck, soft skin there, ran her fingers through his hair, so silky, and she felt him hard against her and one hand pulling her hair into a loose fist, the other exploring her back. His lips were gentle and intent.

She pulled away, gasping. Her eyes met his. They stood like that for a long second, thoughts reeling, questions in their eyes. "I should get some sleep." she said dumbly.

He looked disappointed. He kissed her anyway, but this time a soft chase kiss. He pushed a white lock of hair back again. "Sleep tight. I’ll see you tomorrow maybe?"

"Sure," she smiled.

"Ok. Goodnight." Her voice was unsteady. She watched him with his hand on the door.

"Logan?"

"Yeah?" He turned around. His heart was like a jackhammer.

She kissed him hard, pushing him against the door. His eyes opened wide as he felt her tongue on his bottom lip, the delicate scratch of her nails on his neck. He simultaneously felt so hard and so limp, cock like steel and bones like water. They were kissing and kissing and kissing. A barely-there moan was lost in his mouth and it made her tighten her fingers pressing her nails gently into his neck.

Then she pulled back, and was staring at him with serious eyes, red wet lips. She swallowed and was quiet. She seemed surprised by her own boldness. "Good night." she said, voice thick.

He touched her face, ran his thumb below her lip.

"Night." He smiled, a blinding, joyous and comforting smile she’d never seen from him. And then he was gone.